I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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