I want to have your abortion
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
