Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
