I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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