It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
