I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i will never coherently bang her
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
