You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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