So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
