Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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