I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
