i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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