haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
