Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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