She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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