I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
