At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
