now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
