you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
