i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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