Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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