Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
