She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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