he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
