were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Watching her eat just hurts me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
