I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have fence marks all over my body
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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