thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
