Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
