Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
