So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
