3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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