I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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