He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
