there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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