I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
