I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
