Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I supernannyed him into submission
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
