that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
