I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize