I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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