whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
