Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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