our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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