I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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