I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
