I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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