I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
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Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
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On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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