Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
