You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
