god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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