i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
