the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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