if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize