just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
