I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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