I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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