Can i not drive my cunt home
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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