can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
