I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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