Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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