does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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