I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
