I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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