idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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