did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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