Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
