put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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