i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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