And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
