You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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