I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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